Monster Cookies

Just like the squirrels are storing away their food for the winter, I wanted a portable yummy chock-full-nutrition snack. I think this is it and it has been a hit with everyone I shared it with-- easily modified to be gluten free, gluten full or vegan at your desire. I modified the recipe from the Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Flour Bag.

Gluten Free Monster Cookies
1 1/2 cups gluten free oats
1 cup GF All Purpose baking Flour (Bob's Red Mill)
1/2 cup organic sugar
1/4 cup Flaxseed Meal
1 1/2 tsp Xantham Gum
1 tsp Baking Soda
3/4 cup Coconut Oil or Canola Oil
6 tablespoons butter or applesause
2 Tablespoons Vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pecans & walnut mix

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Prep your cookie sheets. Mix the dry ingredients, add in the wet, saving the chips, nuts and seeds for last. Cookie 12-15 minutes rotating the tray half way through.

Granola!

I was amazed when a friend said she made her own granola from scratch-- it seemed like a magical and mystical accomplishment. I tried it myself and it is SO easy, much less expensive and super satisfying.  I am very picky about extraneous sugar in my life, so I doctored the following recipe to make it high in seeds, nuts and yum, low in sugar/fat. After a couple tries I decided to "go big or go home" when it comes to granola so I can gift some when I make it. I encourage you to use this recipe as a reference, but experiment with your favorite tastes.

Deven's "Go Big or Go Home" Granola 

All ingredients are local and organic when possible.

1 cup each raw pecans, almonds, walnuts, cashews

1/2 cup each sesame seeds, sunflower seeds,pumpkin seeds, flax seeds

2 lbs old-fashioned oats (naturally gluten free, but has to be processed in a gluten free facility if you are super sensitive/celiac)

1 stick butter (or equal amount sunflower oil)

1/3 cup maple syrup (or honey, I prefer maple syrup)

1/2 teaspoon fine salt

1/2 cup chopped dates

1 cup raisins or dried blueberries

1/4 cup dried apples

2 tablespoons pumpkin pie spice or ground cinnamon & nutmeg

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Farenheit. Spread the nuts on 1-2 baking sheet and roast for 10-12 minutes, just lightly browning them. Transfer to a board to cool and chop. Set aside.

Reduce oven temperature to 300 degrees F. Pour the oats and seeds into a mound in the center of each baking sheet (2).  Melt the butter in a small pan and mix in maple syrup mixing constantly. Add the salt.  Drizzle this into the center of the oat/seed mounds. Stir well and spread in an even layer on each baking sheet. Bake the oat mixture for 30 minutes.  Let cool.

Combine the oats, dates, raisins/dried fruit, reserved nuts and spices in a huge bowl and mix. Eat, enjoy, repeat!

Wanderlust + Love + Vermont

I spent this past weekend at Wanderlust Vermont—a veritable smorgasborg of music, art, yoga and fun. The weather was beyond perfect, there was just one afternoon of thunderstorming rain to remind us that we can get wet, we can be flexible about where exactly we practice and we are really at the whim of mother nature. When I arrived on Thursday, little did I know that the long weekend would keep coming back to love.  It was a simple and sweet through line—as if an inspirational memo had been passed between the presenters.

For my first class I joined Jenny Sauer-Klein for a much needed dose of self love & self care in her “Luminous Moon” woman’s only class. I can’t tell you too much (gasp a man might be reading), but it was such a delightful, non-linear exploration of movement. I walked away feeling more relaxed and grounded than I have in a long time—really truly breathing deeply.   

I have never seen Ani DiFranco perform live before, although many of her most angst ridden albums served as a soundtrack at the most trying times of my younger years. I had no idea the  inspiration and energy I was in store for as she took the stage.  I was enraptured, and surprised I sang along and rocked oldies but goodies.

 And boy has she changed her tune- with a husband, baby and happy home songs from her newer albums spoke of love love love, happiness and the road to get there.

I arrived at the most obscure, and possibly most beautiful tent in that it was almost entirely encompassed in the woods with a flawless breeze wafting through —“The Lair of the Conquering Lion”.  The teacher, Kelly Morris instructed us to smell the grass and try to embrace rather than squeam about the bugs.  I moved my mat to the side and sat down on the earth.  Then she asked us to, “Think of someone who is utterly bereft of the notion that we are totally interconnected, interdependent and supported.  Dedicate your practice to them, in that moment it shifts from being about you to being a sacred worthwhile practice.” Feeling so embraced by the earth beneath my sit bones I felt that expanding love with each earth/sun balancing breath during her guided pranayama. 

It has been a long wait for MC Yogis new album and it has been absolutely worth it!  The album rocks with great beats, inspiring words, again transporting ancient stories of Hanuman, Citta & Ram, Ganesha to the modern yogi.  Every single song and the flow of the album is what I always hope for from a favorite artist.  What an absolute delight to get to see him with his team of vj/dj’s turn it up live—particularly with AcroYoga performances erupting from the audience during “Born to Fly”. The energy was incredible and once again the message was One Love—woven through song,  stories and hip hop beats.

 

My final class was with Jenny Sauer-Klein & Adam Rinder, “love + light + flight: AcroYoga Therapeutics”. They opened with a chant and Adam telling the story of Citta and Ram the lovers.  It was a simple, relaxing class— super mellow meditative asana was followed by a relaxing Thai Massage and a short flight in Folded Leaf. Jenny & Adam kept it clear and inspiring with a class of over 200 people. It was the perfect ending to the perfect Festival weekend. I am that. I am love.

Eyes are the window to the soul

—windows are two way.

I have been thinking a lot about sight or vision lately. Where do I see myself in the future? How do I feel about my day to day life? How can I make more time to practice? And how might these questions be related? I was regularly taking yoga classes for a year, or maybe three before I understood the connection between vision/sight and, the word drishti; a beautiful slightly awkward Sanskrit word that I feel means “sight” or “vision”. It sounds so simple, and this simplicity holds a profound, potent capacity for a conscious lifestyle. A drishti can be the literal place that you look during your sun salutations (on the tip of your nose, according to Mr.Iyengar), that un-moving spot on the wall when you try to hold a balancing pose like eagle and the perspective that you experience when you remember the past or think about the future.

If I ask, why do you practice (and it can be whatever you practice: yoga, writing, running)? What comes up? What are you looking to your practice for?

Do you arrive at your yoga mat to get a kick-butt workout, to foster calm in your mental state, both, or something in between? Identifying the drishti behind the why you practice can reveal a lot. I kept coming back to my mat and taking my practice as a yoga teacher, even though my left wrist was increasingly bothering me.  I was telling my students to listen to their bodies as I was ignoring mine.  I fought the injury and I struggled past the diagnosis—and when I looked closely at what I was doing to myself I realized my yoga practice was making me miserable.  I felt weak, disempowered and injured. A one degree shift in my drishti has meant the difference between exacerbating my issue and re-cultivating a nourishing practice.  This translates as practicing deep listening rather than flowing through someone else’s sun salutations—and often leaving down dog out. 

I practice to explore my edges of possibility, to throw my perspective upside down, crack open preconceived notions and leave them at the door—at the end I breathe more deeply and step off more fully grounded in myself. What keeps bringing you back to your practice? When I begin to look at why I practice I realize that it is an ever-changing, ever moving target.

Sometimes my drishti of life is very, very focused “eye on the prize”style.  When I was making a living as an actor in New York my personal life would drown in the dishes in the kitchen sink every time I was working on a show. I can accomplish a lot, achieving goals quickly—but this has also made it hard to see what is missing when I feel stuck, as if I couldn't see amazing things that were right in front of my face.

I have spent the last couple years of my life trying to soften my “life goal drishti” so I can savor the journey while I am on it.  I sit longer with questions, quietly observing what serves me and what does not. What is apparent as you look back on the day or the past year? Sitting here right now in this moment what do you see in front of you? And as you look forward into the future what do you envision?

Picking up poop is not an option.

Rather, not picking up poop is not an option.

My dad and the dogs

I recently spent some time on vacation with my parents and their two dogs, Tallie & Henry.  I often take the dogs running. It is a not-so quirky delight that they get so excited when they realize I am putting on my shorts and running shoes.  I put on their leashes and collars and before we leave a grab 2-3 plastic baggies to clean up any poops. It's just what I do, I don't think about picking it up or not picking it up-- if they poop, I clean it up-- no discussion.  Occasionally, I pick up theirs as well as stray poops left behind by not-so-considerate dog owners.

I have an uncle who loves the joke,"if aliens came down from space and saw a man and dog walking-- the alien would see the man picking up the dog poop and ask the dog to "take them to their leader."' This joke illuminates the odd power dynamic between a dog and their owner, which I found demoralizing when I was younger. Back in the days of middle school, one of my few chores was to take the family dogs on their daily walks.  I enjoyed the time and the freedom exploring my neighborhood with my very faithful companions. I despised being seen with a pooper-scooper. It was gross, uncool, embarrassing in my pre and tween perspective.

I went through phases-- sometimes taking the 3 foot long pooper scooper (you don't have to get too close, but jeez is it gaudy and totally noticeable to theoretical high school boys who might drive by), sometimes reverting to plastic bags (inconspicuous, but the proximity to the smell and heat of the freshly pooped poop is pretty gnarly) and sometimes I decided I was too cool to pick it up-- it would compost anyway right?

Once or twice I was caught not picking up the poop-- with a tail hung between my legs I would run home and grab a poop-picking up device and return to the scene of the crime. I grew out of the too-cool phase of life  and into the phase of taking responsibility for my own sh*#t-- and that of my dogs. I bet I could get away with a less poop picking up in my life, but I enjoy holding myself accountable better than anyone else can.

The new green is no green

I have been an environmental activist since I was nine years old.  I remember writing articles for the elementary school newspaper and letters to my senators and congresspeople about my passion for saving the world-- inquiring about their future plans. Looking back I am surprised that I knew who my senators were.  I desperately wanted change everyone around me to save water, save the air, save the dolphins. As I grew older I grew disillusioned with these tactics, then I heard a story.  The gist was a man tried to change the world in every way he could think of and eventually on his death bed he realized he should have started with himself and his actions were really the only thing he could control.  As I look at how the "fad" of green as the new black is taking over the media and the Lorax is approving SUVs and diapers-- there is no better time to closely look how I can more harmoniously live with the world around me. Here are some steps I have found helpful:

• the new green is no green: pick one day a week to not spend any money
• support local: at leasr once a week, consciously choose to spend money at local establishment 
• compost!
• be creative: reuse, reduce, recycle or give away
• plant seeds: grow your own food! up until the 1950's Americans grew 25% of everything they ate in their own backyards

What does being green mean to you?

I am addicted to water.

I have been drinking at least eight glasses of water a day for the past month.  It has become a second job, an obsession of sorts.  It takes a lot of determination, thought and energy to actually accomplish this task every single day, but I am committed. 

I had always heard that drinking water was a good idea, but it seemed like an intuitive notion that would be good to do tomorrow. Then I got a spot of benign skin cancer removed. It was a scary diagnosis (though I admit hardly anything in comparison to what many people go through). I asked my my dermatologist what he recommended besides the whole sun block schpeel.  I was hoping for a classified medicinal, scientific secret.  He simply responded,"Drink a lot of water. I drink a lot of water."  I was a little dumbfounded, yoga, fasting, meditation and sixteen years of organic vegetarianism hadn't protected me from cancer.  Drinking water seems so much simpler, obvious, maybe even trite.  I didn't realize until I the diagnosis, that the pursuit of many of my actions has been out of fear of disease and in an attempt to protect my body from the unknown.

I felt like I had tried "everything else", so I committed to drinking eight to nine glasses a day. In the beginning, I had an App on my iPhone that helped me keep track. Now I "do water" before I do anything else- two glasses in the morning, a glass before a cup of tea, a glass before a meal, a glass before coffee.  If I am hungry = water time.  If I am tired = water. I don't need coffee, the way I used to need it.  And rather than taking time every few months to detox with herbs and special yoga poses, I don't feel clogged up or congested in a way to need that, I just keep drinking water.  I think I might be addicted.   But I also think I am ok with that because it is easy, feels really good (and yes, my skin is more clear and have more energy) and I am so grateful I live in a place where I can drink out of the tap.

Travel Savvy

I have been urging many of my friends to blog about their journeys because their plans sounded so interesting (i.e. driving from Southern California to Alaska, or traveling to Asia to study massage); and consulting other yoga teachers about the benefits of blogging consistently.   I realized yesterday, I have not been taking my advice while traveling for the past six months.  It looks like I will be traveling for at least twelve more assisting at yoga conferences and events, visiting friends and family and exploring the country trying to figure where I will settle down; so I am committing to writing once a week this year and hope you enjoy the journey as much as I do!

Last week I landed at LAX, I was looking forward to getting out of the airport and directly onto Amtrak—the train station I had seen so many times on my voyages up and down the Southern California coast.  I got my hiking backpack (the perfect size for wilderness or urban trekking) and walked outside, right in front of me was a free shuttle, I asked if it was going to the train and the driver said, yes, this is going to the train.” In this simple exchange we both presumed that there would be only one train. I was thinking Union Station in downtown Los Angeles, the reality revealed itself to be much different. One and a half hours on the public transportation system through South Central LA, four metro changes, a few brushes with crazy and a $1.50 later—I finally found myself at Union Station where I could grab an Amtrak train to head north (on which I would pass the easily Amtrak accessible Bob Hope Burbank Airport).  

This week, to get back to LAX, I took the recommendation of a friend and tried the super cushy FLYAWAY bus.  The morale of this story is to ask for local advice if you really want to get somewhere the savvy way.

In my not-so-local (because I wouldn't consider myself local anywhere right now) opinion, I highly recommend taking Amtrak anywhere you can in Southern California.  As long as you don't mind a 30 minute delay which is not uncommon, the ride is filled with spectacular Pacific Coast views.  An upgrade to business class gets you a snack pack, wifi, a split of red wine and so much leg room I had trouble reaching the foot rest! It is one of my favorite ways to travel- relaxing, beautiful and comfortable.

Voluntary Simplicity

The holiday season can be very difficult if you love it or hate it (as the music, aesthetic and mania can be pervasive).  I am one of the former, I enjoy communing with every friend and family member possible, decorating, pumping Christmas music, finding the right gifts for those I exchange with, baking cookies and sending cards.  As the world turns quieter and colder in the northern hemisphere, it could be a time to introvert and enjoy longer evenings, but the added items on my to do list seem to be distracting year after year.  A few years ago, in an attempt to slow down I tried a Voluntary Simplicity Experiment-- an idea to gift experiences rather than things-- and for everything that I received for a year, I would have to get rid of something else.  It felt really good and still does.  I hope you give it a try or figure out what your own Voluntary Simplicity Experiment might be.

Check out my first two Elephant Journal Articles:

Food Tips for Traveling Yogis

The Joy Formula


Let me know what you think and what you are most curious about reading more about!

Bridges, Magic and a Cranky Wrist Oh My!

A few months ago I started noticing there was a little discomfort in my wrist even in a mild pose like hands & knees (also known as table pose).  I would slightly change the poses at the beginning of my yoga practice to alleviate the discomfort.  Then, one day about a month I couldn't put weight on my left wrist with my palm on the floor at all.  In the past, when I have experienced a mild to medium dis-ease or borderline injury I have taken the opportunity to take a full-fledge break-- switching to running, swimming or pilates.  Injuries are always frustrating, confusing and sometimes something so small seems to take over my life, especially because I am professional yoga teacher.  This one was no different, although this time I was downright indignant.  I teach four to five classes a week and need to practice before I teach.  Many of my yoga teachers have often spoken about learning from your injury, teaching from the wisdom that it can offer.  This was always a hypothetical for me, and I figured that was after you returned to full health.  I was feeling gimpy, inadequate and frustrated as I wondered "How can you practice from that? How can you teach from that?!"  Life and my classes were continuing with or without me.

Focus on what you can do, Not what you can't
I finally decided, after a visit to my acupuncturist, that I would stay away from putting weight on my wrist in extension for a month.  This removed plank, chaturanga (the yoga push-up), arm balances and handstands from my daily practice; which was a big part of my day to day routine.  After a week, I suddenly noticed I was occasionally demonstrating these poses in class (this would become the most difficult hurdle in my recovery).  The commitment to myself was going to be harder than I expected, until I shifted my focus to other poses: balancing and extension poses like utthita padagustansana (hand to big toe pose); forearm stand; frog; headstands; the list goes on and on.  I was focusing on flexibility and opening up my shoulder girdle, which brought a new softness to my personal yoga practice and teaching.  My change in perspective was opening up new possibilities and altered my emotional state as well by focusing on the positive, rather than the one perceived negative.

And then don't blame the bridge...

Our attitude toward a place of injury is usually quite negative and often places blame.  It is common to hear the phrase, "oh this is my problem shoulder" or "I have a bad knee".  This phrase-ology would fundamentally imply that the knee itself did something wrong of its own volition.  My Tai Chi says a chronic knee injury is due to a argument between your hips and ankles. We would never accuse a bridge blown up as a casualty of a war, a "bad bridge"-- so the same perspective can be applied to the knee, shoulder, back, whichever part of the body ails you, especially if it is a joint. For the knee problems strengthening the ankle and opening up the flexibility of the hip to discover the proper alignment of the knee in athletic pursuits and daily habits many ails can be fixed from within.  It may take years and many of us don't want to listen that carefully, thoroughly and mindfully to the whispering creaks until they incapacitates the whole body.  I can't blame my wrist it is a small relatively weak joint that must overcompensate for my tight shoulder girdle, and that I often push myself through a strong practice.
  
Magic?
We can switch from a position of blame to one of curiosity and compassion.  Many of my AcroYoga colleagues refer to a place of injury, or or dis-ease as "magical" because that place holds so much potential: an opportunity to listen deeply to the whispering discomforts of the body; to repattern that which is not working; to learn from within how to be more compassionate, nurturing and kind to our bodies first and foremost.  It can be easier, for me, to be nicer to others than it is to be nicer to myself, so if I am really truly kind to myself in every way that I need, I wonder how much easier it will become to be more friendly, generous and considerate to others?

Raw Almond Milk

My favorite recipe of the week: easy, empowering, fun and so good to know that it came from happy bees and is ALL good for me.  I love knowing exactly what I am putting in my body without anything extra.   I am lucky to live in Santa Barbara source my almonds from a local farm: Fat Uncle Farms (http://funclefarms.blogspot.com/).  Please please please for the sake of the honeybees if you go to the trouble of getting raw organic almonds "go that extra mile" and find out about the living situation of the bees (or just order from Fat Uncle...).  This recipe came from the beekeeper/farmer's market stall lady Julie. Thank you Julie!

• Soak 1/2 pound of raw organic almonds in 8 cups filtered water for 6-8 hours with a little bit of raw honey.  Optional:Go to sleep or sing and dance to the honey almond water.
• Pour the mixture into a cuisinart or blender and mash it up.  Pour the almond mash through a cheesecloth into a bowl and then squeeze all the milky almond juice into the bowl. 
• Drink the fresh squeezed almond milk within 48 hours or freeze (the milk goes rancid, and now that you will know what it is really supposed to taste and feel like, you will notice).  Julie recommended placing in serving size portions in the freezer for later use. 

I will let you know what I figure out to do with the leftover almond mash, as soon as I figure it out. I am thinking about baking something up...

Enjoy!

Redefining Guilty Pleasure

I have been picking one yama or niyama (two of the eight limbs of yoga philosophy) a week to focus on in my reading, meditation and yoga classes. This week is astheya-- which usually translates as non-stealing or non-covetess. I find this translation not very exciting and difficult to connect with. I can't help thinking about stealing, things I want that I don't have and what is lacking in my life-- really the opposite of how I would like to spend my time. Luckily, one of my favorite authors (Nishala Joy Devi) offers a different translation that of astheya as generosity. I imagine myself filling with gratitude every time I breathe in and giving back every time I breathe out. Contented and serene as a part of the whole web of life with every breath.

I got to wondering how I could be more generous with myself-- compassionate with my expectations, present in the moment and relaxed about self-judgement. The whole process took me from feeling lacking to feeling a lot more abundant. As I put my concentration on what I have and what I enjoy, the "guilt" in guilty pleasures fell away. Regret and guilt don't serve me in my joyful breath cycle, thought cycle, practice cycle of generosity. Once I took the guilt away decisions came a little easier and pleasures became a little more enjoyable.

The mean reds

This is the hardest time of year for me, even in "sunny Southern California" the days are shorter and a little colder. I find myself a little more anxious, worried, annoyed with day to day life. For some reason around now, everything mundane thing feels a little more difficult. I spend a week or two drowning in the frustration at myself about feeling frustrated-- and then inevitably one day I remember this is a annual "thing". I fantasize I could write myself a letter to send promptly that will arrive 365 days from now, to remind myself mid-January next year that I always feel somewhere between the blues and mean reds. And that the cure is simple: more meditation, more yoga, more sleep, less computer time and that I can be nicer to myself.

Maitri in Sanskrit or Metta in Pali translates as many things: loving-kindness, compassion, friendliness, benevolence, good will, friendship, the list goes on. Many of the translations make me think of doing things for others, and when I am in my current state of being I don't like to think about doing nice things for others, or even thinking nice things for others (well, unless someone does something nice for me, then it is easy). My meditation teachers have revealed that Metta does not dictate that we first or only give this to others, but first we meditate/contemplate/ruminate on Metta towards your own self, your own being, your very life in this moment, right here right now. And from there the spiral of positivity can lead to outward as it will. Patanjali (the guy who wrote down the Yoga Sutras) even suggests that in place of asana, pranayama or meditation the practice of Maitri can be a powerful one on the road to a peaceful mind.

If visualization or meditation on the direct idea of Metta/Maitri doesn't work for me in the beginning I like to recite this chant. It helps kick-start things if you will: lokah samasta sukinoh bhavantu-- "May all beings have happiness and causes of happiness" (Wah! has a beautiful recording, if you need a little outside help kick-starting the process). And when I am really feeling cranky, irritable and wronged, I simplify it even more into this mantra-- I want for you what I want for myself. Then I go back to my meditation seat, focus on my breath for a while and focus on sending some loving-kindness to myself.

So my question of the month is: how can you be a little nicer to yourself right here, right now? (If multiple answers pop up in your imagination, then you should give yourself permission to try them all with delight).

As the northern hemisphere slows down, shouldn't we too?

As we step into the proverbial holiday season, it feels like life puts its crazy hat on. My To Do List goes into hyper drive, and it seems like me, my body and I come absolute last to everything else in my life. I get a little crankier, less able to get out of bed, less focused and effective, and suddenly a lot of things seem to bother me more... I am finally beginning to see a connection between these aspects of myself growing into crazed monster proportions and the fact that my personal hatha practice falls into the gutter. So this week, I am going to try a holiday friendly experiment and put myself first, first thing in in day in three ways:
1. my yoga first. First thing in the morning, before food and everything else.
2. meditate
3. turn the computer off by 9pm

Just for the next week. I am going to invite the fire of tapas in to help me slow down. I will let you know how it goes.

Giving and Receiving

"Just breathe and receive," this experience, right now, good or bad. "Just breathe and receive", has become my mantra more than any others in the past few months. Sometimes it is something really positive, an unexpected act of generosity or thoughtful kindness; sometimes I am “breathing and receiving” the enormity of an unpleasant situation or an unforeseen obstacle. Particularly in the more disagreeable moments the conscientious inhalation has allowed me to commune with the experience to: more fully learn from it; realize it wasn’t as bad as I thought; or completely let it go.

Just breathe and receive. Being in a place of learning to accept support and help, I have become more aware that so many of my friends, family members and colleagues are true givers from deep, kind and generous depths, even when it is exhausting for them to continue providing and supplying from energetic stores that have been depleted. It seems intrinsic in their spirits. They stretch wide to embrace so many other people to effect, heal, empower, provide for. Oftentimes, putting the needs and wants of others before their own. The flipside of this output, as I have experienced: it can been very, very hard to ask for help, to look for support in an interdependent kind of way and to receive it graciously.

One of my dear friends, recently got terribly ill. She is a powerful nurturer, phenomenal bodyworker, conscientious studio owner, amazing teacher who is constantly giving of herself to her students, her clients and her community near and far. She fell very sick in the midst of a training; which became an opportunity for a few of her colleagues to take care of her, and for another teacher to step into a spotlight in a beautiful way. And for the first time in a long time I believe she was able to rest. Her body knew more than her mind did that she would be meticulously taken care of.

In midst of crisis, trauma and emergency, we can look inside and be independent or learn how to ask for help. It becomes easier to ask for help when big things go down, when we practice in little ways everyday. One of my teachers says when you ask for help, you are simply giving another the opportunity to do something good. And I believe this is the only sustainable way to keep reaching out and spreading light. It feels so good to ask and receive (even if, for me, there is a bigger leap of faith than in knowing I can and will get it done myself).

As we are about to embark on the “season of giving” (because it begins after Halloween, now right?), I am looking forward enjoying the current shift in my perspective: to receive graciously. That maybe these next couple of months can be about giving and receiving, and the delight in the cycle.

Strength from Softness

Last weekend, at Estes Park Yoga Journal Conference, I spent an illuminating day with Amy Ippoliti in her day long Anusara & Yoga Therapeutics Intensive. This weekend, I got my proverbial butt kicked at an AcroYoga & Acrobatics Intensive weekend with Jason Magness & Chelsey Gribbons. The two experiences could seem so distinctly on opposite sides of the yoga spectrum. I found myself in the middle of my awareness, face to face with my preconceived stories, looking over my edge at an abyss of what is and is not possible. And that the latter may not exist, if only my mind would allow.

I came away from Amy's workshop with a delightful perspective on the power of Matrika Shakti, in my simple understanding, it is concept that words arise from your energetic body and reveal themselves as your universal truth (for more: http://spiritualhealingjourney.com/words-can-hurt-you/). That what you say, becomes your reality. For example, if you are always referring to your "bad knee", than by your verbal/mental relationship gets stuck in that place and will continue to be what you will be living with/dealing with: a bad knee.

We explored a lot of movement, techniques for healing, but above all else: what are the words and stories surrounding your injuries? Amy would turn around commonly heard comments in a way that continues to make me laugh, instead of referring to a shoulder that always hurts, she would say "Hey, remember that shoulder thing I had. Wasn't that weird?" It magnetizes space and a quirky curiosity to my expanding awareness, rather than frustrated expectation of my own healing, while also implying that the body being in health and able to heal itself is the norm.

Fast forward a few days to the beginning of the Acrobatic AcroYoga workshop. We were asked an introductory question: who would you be if you were a Superhero? The first answer that popped into my head (which is usually the right one right?) Bionic Woman, because she was transformed from a place of incapacitating injury to unbelievable strength and ability. I think I have this, I think we all have this capability, if only our thinking allows it to be so.

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?...

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

During the next two days I came to observe the reflection of: what I am comfortable with; what my body can accomplish easily; how I react when I it comes not so easily; what happens when I get a little scared; and ultimately began to unravel my body-image-ability stories. I discovered I have a lot of stories, particularly those around situations that push my edge of discomfort into fear (when my mental mind knows there is no need and expects differently). Now I begin to move forward into an ever-so-slightly shifted relationship about myself with the tools of laughter and curiosity to soften my expectations, my fears, and dissolve the stagnating stories, from here a wellspring of strength flows.

Estes Park, Colorado

I feel so blessed and grateful to be supporting my teachers and the AcroYoga practice at the Estes Park Yoga Journal Conference; surrounded by the Rocky Mountains of Colorado and so many amazing talented yoga peeps. The yoga, scenery, and hiking are simply amazing.

My friend and colleague, Amy and I, decided to depart for a hiking adventure late this afternoon with the lofty goal that we might go bouldering. We arrived as most other visitors were leaving. Geared up with some hot green tea in my Klean Kanteen and my five finger shoes we started walking up and up and up. The higher we went, the harder it was to walk and talk at the same time; and the more tempting each subsequent vista became, beckoning us to stop and soak in the scenery, the changing aspens in the late day light.

We found our destination, and it felt as if we had deliberately stumbled on a land before time. The rocky landscape felt exquisitely ancient and the trees felt more wise than others I had met. Maybe it had not been so wise to venture out so late in the day, but we delighted in the solitude as the lakes, mountains, trees and boulders seemed to exist for our appreciation alone.

Hours upon hours of asana practice and theory, at the Conference, had left me feeling open; but now I felt satiated, nourished, grounded. I had needed a hike like this for months, as well as the camaraderie and discussion of my hiking companion.

So healing, nourishing, relaxing and inspiring.

It was a reminder about what I need to take care of myself.

Yogi Bhajan Everyday says:

"If you do not understand that life exists to challenge you with every breath, you do not understand living. If you do not challenge your life yourself, somebody will challenge it. "

In this I find relief, comfort and gratitude.

A Yoga Sutra to the Rescue

I have been trying to juggle an existence between hustling to get myself feeling established in my new home city, and trying to chill out by enjoying the beautiful diversity of trees, Santa Ynez Mountains towering above as the clouds clear, the Pacific ocean not too far away, and delicious meals with new friends. The days pass by and the balance feels so precarious to maintain, and sometimes absolutely elusive.

I haven't made a big move in many years and it slipped from my mind that it is stressful to leave the comfort of known family and friends, established work relationships, and even familiar geography. As I am trying to hold space for the feelings that such a large life transition can entail, little obstacles appear under foot almost daily. Small perceived injustices grow in size, and shape in my consciousness. Every inconvenience can feel like the universe possibly has a personal vendetta against my current vulnerability, winding my emotional spring tighter.

In exasperation, I picked up Nischala Joy Devi's book The Secret Power of Yoga and opened it to a random page with the hope of finding some comfort or illumination. This is what I found: "When presented with disquieting thoughts or feelings cultivate an opposite elevated attitude. This is pratipaksha bhavana." (Yoga Sutra II.33). I felt simultaneous gratitude (illumination sure enough), frustration (how would this be possible?), relief (this was a suggestion to try), confusion (again, how would this be possible) and finally curiosity (i can just try it).

I suddenly realized I was making things harder for myself specifically by sharing in conversations with loved ones about minor discomforts. It is hard to not blame someone when things are going exactly the way we might like. It boiled down to gossip on occasion. I was concentrating through thought and conversation on what was not working, and inevitably, if only in my mind transgressions grew worse.

In the last week, every time I felt like someone was negatively affecting my life, I would simply hold a little space (however tiny it is), to question if this Sutra could apply. And so far, new perspectives that are changing the way I can approach and literally feel about uncomfortable situations, are opening up to me spaciously and graciously. It is work, and I am still struggling, but a little more easefully and joyfully so.